My Immortal
by The Next Author
Summary: The living are only mortal. We have a clock. The dead do not. They are immortal. That's why Leonardo has all of me. Song fanfic.


**A/N: Hey, this story is set after the Slash and Destroy episode. This song is by evanescence and I do not own TMNT. The italicized writing are memories. The rest is present time. Hope you enjoy this one-shot.**

 **My Immortal**

I'm really MISSING Leonardo. It's hard to believe I just spent my whole day eating potato chips and holding the remote while watching his crappy TV show. I only got up to get more food and get a drink. When I came back into the room, I see Space Heroes on, then instantly look down to where Leo sits. One time I actually said out loud that he's a dork. Sensei was in the room at that moment. He just gave me a sad look and walked off.

I took one of Sensei's robes and am wearing it around the house. Mikey gave me his white fuzzy bunny slippers with a black button nose, so I wear those, too.

Mike says I look like the walking dead. He needs to mind his own business before I slap him.

I look at the clock. 5:00 a.m. The recent episode is over and is showing some baby kids show. I look down at Sensei's dirty kimono and sigh. I sigh and climb out of it, slip out of the slippers and start for my room.

Mikey's snore sounds like a sob and a choke combined. Donnie is in his lab and Sensei is in the dojo. With that knowledge, I jog to Leo's room. Nobody has gone in there since he ….left. I gently push open the door and slip in. The door shuts behind me.

I don't turn on the light. I don't need more attention. The first Space Heroes episode ended with me having a break down. If I turn on the light, I'll end up with more than a break down.

I stumble over my feet as I try to find Leo's bed. When I do, I flop onto it. His pillow smells like pizza and sweat.

 _Don't freak out, Raphael. Don't break down now_.

I hug Leo's pillow and look up at the ceiling. I can't take losing two of the most important things in my life in one week. First Spike, then Leo. And right as Leo _finally_ understood me. When I finally find someone I can vent on and he can actually calm me down with one word. If he tries, of course.

I squeeze my eyes shut as tears blind me. The night Spike left and turned into Slash, Leo started understanding. He listened. By morning, we couldn't stop laughing and were planning on doing a Freaky Friday on Sensei, Don, Mikey and April. But then… but then…It was my entire fault.

I slap a hand over my mouth as a cry escapes me. After two big breaths, I calm myself to a reasonable level. No one comes to Leo's room so that means I am safe. A red glow on Leo's nightstand catches my eye.

His radio.

I reach to it and press a button. Music fills the room. It isn't loud but it isn't too quiet either. Evanescence. I hate this band. But somehow Leo always loved it. As the music plays, a memory plays in my head.

 **I'm so tired of being here suppressed by all of my childish fears**

 _I scream as a coach roach is dangled in front of my face. I hear Leo laugh. He throws the coach roach away then sits in front of me. Both of our knees are tucked to our chests. He looks tired._

 _"Are you okay, Raph?" he asks._

 **And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave Because your presence still lingers here And it won't leave me alone**

 _"Yeah, I'm fine, Leo. Now leave me alone."_

 _"Raph-"_

 _"I said leave me alone."_

 _I'm close to crying. I want Spike back so bad. I look up at Leo. He looks like he's about to cry, too. He looks away from me._

 _"I'm sorry. I won't bother you again." He says standing._

 _Shell! I hate guilt._

 _"Wait," I growl," Come back. Stay. I just…" I swipe my hand over my eyes," I really miss Spike. It… it's my fault he's gone. If I hadn't had taken that mutagen, none of you guys would be hurt and he'd still be here._

 _"He was my friend, Leo. I could talk to him about anything."_

 _Leo looks hurt again but he doesn't say anything._

 **These wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time cannot erase**

 _"Why do we have to lose the ones we love most, Leo? I just don't get it."_

 _\ Leo doesn't say anything for a moment, then says," Cause we need to grow. Things we have, love and need usually leave because we need to grow."_

 _"But what if I don't want to grow!" I shout._

 _Leo shrugs, "Then tough luck, I guess."_

 _"We did everything together, Leo. What do I do now? I don't have a soul in the world that cares."_

 _Leo frowns," Well, I'm sitting here, ain't I? I can be Spike…"_

 _Then the dork leans over on all fours and makes his eyes as big as he can. He makes a growl sound that sounds a lot like Spike's growl. I burst out laughing, rocking back and forth on my shell. I lose my balance and fall flat._

 _That's when I burst into tears._

 **When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears when you scream I'd fight away all of your fears And I've held your hand through all of these years But you still have all of me**

 _Leo instantly came to my side," Raph, are you okay?"_

 _Between my sobs I yell," I wanted to be enough for you guys, Leo. And I can't be that guy cause I couldn't protect you guys from Spike and …and I don't blame you if you hate me, Leo. I don't! I'm the worst brother alive! But it killed me to see you guys hurt. Cause… cause I love you guys so much… and I love you… and …and …"_

 _Leo laughs! He sits me up as I say, "What's so funny?"_

 _Leo smiles," Nothing at all, Raphael. I just can't believe I've waited my whole life for you to say those three words."_

 _He swipes his fist lightly over my cheeks, wiping away my tears. I smile._

That night I had a nightmare. He made it better by watching over me the rest of the night. We had four whole days. No fights, no disobedience, just hanging out, being the best of friends. The best brothers we could be.

Four days.

Then Shredder attacked.

 **You used to captivate me by your resonating light But now I'm bound by the life you left behind**

 _Shredder has me pinned. His claws are at my throat. The cold metal will be my undoing. I know it. I feel it._

 _The other set of claws descend. I feel ready almost._

 _But Leo beat me to it. The katana glows as lightning lights the sky. His eyes shine bravery and determination. I won't die as long as he's alive._

 _I smile. That's the Leo I know._

 _Shredder goes for him. Leo blocks every blow. I scramble to my feet, running to rejoin the fray._

 _Leo's leading Shredder to the edge of the roof. Smart! I check behind me to see if Don and Mike are okay. They are doing just fine._

 _When I look back, Shredder has his gauntlet pointed at my chest, arrow at the ready. Time slows. I look at Leo. He looks at me. Then he mouths…_ I'm sorry.

 _Leo grabs Shredder harshly by the shoulders and tries to throw him over the building. Blood sprays and glows as lightning flashes. Shredders gauntlet cuts across Leo's neck and chest as he falls. When he falls, he's making sure Leo goes with him._

 _I blast forward. Leo falls forward, falling with Shredder. I catch him and lay him down in my arms. "Leo… "I groan._

 _His eyes slowly glaze over, shadowing his calm blue eyes._

 _"You'll be okay," I say frantically, "Leo, talk to me. You can't die this way! Leo!"_

 _He stares at my face as if memorizing it. I barley hear him say," Brother…"_

 _He shakily touches his heart, then reaches to touch mine. The blood on his chest is wiped away with his shaking hand. I see a scar that makes my heart stop._

 _A crack in his plastron right above his heart. The exact crack that I have in my plastron._

 _His hand doesn't make it all the way. It falls and his eyes unfocused. His wounds refuse to bleed. His chest doesn't budge._

 _"NO!" I scream._

 _I feel frantically for a pulse. I'm a foolish boy. The pulse in his throat was cut by Shredder._

 _Agony rips through me. I'm thankful Mikey and Donnie are a roof away. They won't see me cry._

 _Tears stream down my face as the pain grows and expands to ever corner of my brain and my heart. It is unbearable. I can't bare this much pain. I'm going to break. I'm going to freeze up._

 _I'm going to die._

 _Rain pours over me. Then with every ounce of energy, adrenaline and pain I have, I scream beside the roaring thunder. Screaming for vengeance. Screaming for hate._

 _Screaming for my big brother._

 _When I finally stop, I faint dead away, still holding Leo tight in my arms._

 **Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me**

Since then I've had nightmares of his death. I should have saved him. I could've. But I didn't. His job was to protect us. He succeeded. My job was to protect him. I failed.

Shredder might have died. He might not have. I don't know. No one does. Mike and Don were to busy getting us home.

And the worst thing is that I have to look at the crack on my plastron every day, and remember the crack on Leo's. Forever remembering that I failed to save Leo. That stupid crack forever haunts my dreams.

As does his face.

Every night I dream that he tells me he'll be alright. His smile almost makes me want to kiss him. Then he dies. I wake up screaming and crying. Donnie is shaking me awake.

Once I dreamed I was all alone. Leo was dead… Then I see him. He sits on the edge of my bed. He says he's sorry, that he didn't want to leave, but he has to. He said that he was alright. I ask him to stay. I beg him to, but he keeps saying he has to go. In the end, he does.

That dream felt so real. I could have sworn it was. Then his voice echoes in my head, saying every things going to be okay. And cause of that, I start screaming that it'll never be okay. And I don't realize I'm screaming till Sensei comes in and calms me.

But every day, I wake up, tears going down my face and I know that I was dreaming of him again.

 **These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase**

We argued so much. We cut each other to the core. I thought I cut him so deep that he hated me. That's why he tried to be the better son. And we never seemed to get over the competitions.

But he did it cause he loved us, loved me. He ignored me, fought me and put up with me so he could keep us safe and die for us.

That's how he planned to die.

Now I'm crying as hard as I can. I shove the pillow in my mouth as I scream.

 _Leo. My hero. My enemy. My friend. My opposite. My brother. My competition. The pain in my butt._

 _Leonardo._

 _The brother I spent time with. The one who caused me the most pain. The one who brought me the greatest memories. The brother who tore my heart out and cut it into tiny pieces and then burned the pieces, then burned the ashes._

 _Leonardo._

 _The brother I hated in jealousy and anger for so long._

 _Leonardo._

 _The one I love with all my being._

Then I scream the most agonizing howl anybody will ever hear.

" _LEONARDO!_ "

 **When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears And I've held you hand through all of these years But you still have all of me**

The door sings open. Voices scream at me all at once.

"Raphael, my son!"

"Raph! Raph, are you okay?"

"Raphie!"

Hands start touching me. A pair on my legs, one on my head, the others shaking me.

"Raph, calm down."

"It's okay, Raph. We're here."

"Raphael, its okay my son."

"Leo! LEO!" I continue screaming.

I feel him everywhere. In the pillow I'm squeezing, in the hands that touch me, in the air.

I feel him wiping away my tears when I'm crying over Spike. I feel him hugging me when I have a nightmare. I feel him guiding me, making me who I am over the years. And because he did it all for so long, because he was with me every day for fifteen years, arguing, hating and loving me, he managed to take all of my heart with him when he died.

"Leo," I sob while my family lifts me into sitting position, "Leo, please…"

 **I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone And though you're still with me I've been alone all along**

Sensei's voice shakes as he tries to comfort me, "Raphael, it's okay. Calm down. Just breathe."

"Yeah, dude," Mikey says, "You're alright."

I glower at him. I don't have the strength to hit him or yell at him.

I take a deep breath, trying to calm down.

Face facts, Raphael. Leo's gone. Leo's… here. A cold sensation flows over me. And a deep calm and strong love fill me, too.

"I miss you, Leo," I bawl as everyone fades away, "Why did you have to leave me?"

 _I am with you, always._

I sob harder, but my screams stop. The cold feeling stays a while longer. It's like he's embracing me. Then he's gone.

I've never felt so alone.

 **When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears And I've held you hand through all of these years But you still have all of me**

 **"** Raph?" Donnie asks. I look at him through blurry eyes," Raph, are you okay? Are you okay now?"

I sniff and nod. "I… I think so…"

We are quiet for a while. I dry my tears, letting more pour as they come.

When I look up again, I see Mikey starting to cry. He meets my eyes. I hold out my arms to him.

As the song ends, Mikey crawls over to me and cries into my chest. Slowly, Donnie turns into a sobbing mess, too. Splinter holds us all together.

"Sensei," I sob," how can you stand the pain? How are you surviving this?"

"I'm not, Raphael, "Father merely says," I am not."

I think about that for a moment. Maybe I'm not alone.

 _We love you, Leo,_ I think _, I love you. Good-bye brother. Rest well._

 _I know you hurt so much._

 _It hurts you that I am not by your side._

 _It huts you that I am not around._

 _That I am not with you._

 _I'm the pain you won't ever give up._

 _But I'm telling you, I am here for you_

 _I am always here for you._

 _I'll wait for you in heaven_

 _Where we'll never say good-bye_

 _Lets not say Sayonara_

 _Farewell or anything of the sort_

 _Just till we meet again_

 _My brother._

Hamato Leonardo

A/N: This story was so hard to write but had to be done. Again, the song is not mine. Thank you for reading My Immortal.


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